Hi Norm,
That is a nice story, and the sound really adds interest. For me, I think it would flow better if the screens with the red background and white text were changed as follows. Drop the red background for the text and put the text in the scene with the swans. That would keep the viewer engaged with the main subject. In many cases, the white text could be above the birds, so people can view the action that is being explained.
You have great sound! What microphone were your using?
Regarding the red text and sound, the silence during the text+red background really breaks up the flow. If the red backgrounds were deleted, I would carry the sound through continuously. I think that would have great impact. Perhaps even drop the sound at the beginning and fade in the sounds of the birds. Or if you want music, how about swan lake?
That brings up another subject. What about copyright on music? Are there some sources of copyright-free music people can use?
Roger