The Climb

[denise ippolito]

THE CLIMB

My gear is packed
I set my course
I'll be keeping my own pace

I see their eyes
They follow me
An intruder in their space

I'll climb the days last sunlight
Capturing moments in a frame

I make a promise to myself
I'll be back this way again

A peaceful quiet soon falls upon the stillness of the night

I close my eyes and fall fast asleep
I know everything's alright

The morning mist and campfire ash are all floating in the air

I feel a sense of calmness
And I'm relaxed without a care

I leave no trace and head back down,
The mountain that I adore

I set my sites on another reach -
I'm packing up once more...

[Ákos Lumnitzer]

I love this Denise. That picture above complements your poem to a T. It's fabulous! May I suggest (my taste) that you try a crop out the clear sky so only the intense reds and shaded ares remain? I think the power of this scene will be even stronger then.

[denise ippolito]

Akos, Thankyou for your suggestion. I will give it a try!

[Dave Phillips]

meaningful word Denise....and I think Akos is absolutely right on about the crop
One very sweet image with incredible good shadow detail

[denise ippolito]

Thanks Dave and Akos, Here is the re-post, hope it's correct. Appreciate the feedback!!;)

[Ákos Lumnitzer]

Whoa! That is a killer now! Congrats! Exceptionally nice contrast with colors.

[denise ippolito]

Thankyou for your help!!

[Lance Warley]

I like the repost much better. Much more dramatic.

The words are great. They somehow invoked a bunch of shamanic drummers in my head, playing the chanting rythm.

I hope they keep playing all day.

[denise ippolito]

Lance, Thankyou for your kind words. I somehow feel a sense of healing while hiking and exploring.

[Julie Kenward]

Excellent repost, Denise (although I really love the original as well!)

I love the poetry as well but have a suggestion...

Your first few stanzas start out as a three-line poem and then you suddenly switch over to a two-line stanza. I found myself breaking the rhythm of the words because of that. If you chose one version and rearranged the words I think you'd easily have an even stronger read.

[denise ippolito]

Julie, Thankyou-good advice!

[Ákos Lumnitzer]

I just revisited this this afternoon with a fresh set of eyes and thoughts and I rearranged the lines. See how you like it this way. Not that the way it was I could not read it and make sense of it though.

My gear is packed, I set my course
I'll be keeping my own pace
I see their eyes, They follow me
An intruder in their space

I'll climb the day's last sunlight
Capturing moments in a frame
I make a promise to myself
I'll be back this way again

A peaceful quiet soon falls upon
The stillness of the night
I close my eyes and fall fast asleep
I know everything's alright

The morning mist and campfire ash
Are all floating in the air
I feel a sense of calmness
And I'm relaxed without a care

I leave no trace and head back down,
The mountain that I adore
I set my sites on another reach -
I'm packing up once more...


I feel that to keep the rhythm it works better in four line verses? What do you think D? I still love it as much today as I did last week.<!-- / message -->
Please feel free to shoot me down here!

[Lance Warley]

I like the second one better. You definitely achieved your goal with the repost.

[denise ippolito]

Akos, Thankyou very much for your help-it's perfect !!! Thankyou.:)

[Ákos Lumnitzer]

I am so happy You like it and Sir Lance-elot approved too. It's a good team effort!