Looking Forward

[Gordon Craig]

With paddle placed forward.
The green in front beckons onward.
With paddle immersed inward.
The old green view starboard.
Harkens what may lay ahead forward.

I shot this in Hocking Hills, Ohio. Its a beautiful area. The picture was shot using a Canon 5D, Canon 38 - 300 mm lens. The shutter was 1/2 sec, aperture was F5.6 and the ISO was 100.

[Lance Warley]

Hi, Gordon.

The image is stunning. The verse has a great start, but I must say I'm having trouble with the fourth and fifth lines.

In the first two lines, you have a good relationship/couplet kind of thing going, especially with the gentle, evocative verb, "beckons," and it works. Some call this a "request-response."

The third line leads one to expect a similar kind of relationship with the fourth line, but I don't get the fourth line. It seems like it's missing a verb or something after "view."

In the fifth line, I don't know who or what is doing the listening.

This is good stuff. High quality. I hope you're willing to take another shot at the last two lines.

Thanks for posting this.

[Gordon Craig]

Thank you for your comments. I am going to give more thought to the last two lines.

[Julie Kenward]

I'm in agreement with Lance. You have a beautiful photograph and the beginning of a wonderful verse but you lose the flow in the fourth and fifth lines.

The first line says what you'll do and the second line says what will happen when you do it. Lines three and four need to tell the same story...if the paddle goes inward, what will happen? Then, use line five to close the whole thing up...tell us WHY we should care about lines 1-4.

Hope that helps!