Tic Toc

[Fabs Forns]

Tic toc, tic toc,
raindrops on the roof.

Tic toc, tic toc,
tears on my eyes.

Tic toc, tic toc,
footsteps go away.

Tic toc, tic toc,
hours off the clock.

Tic toc, tic toc,
knocking on the door.

Tic toc, tic toc,
morning comes again.

Tic toc, tic toc.

[Julie Kenward]

Nicely done, Fabs! The image really translates the words well. My one suggestion for the verbal portion would be to think about changing the last line to "morning comes again." I can't tell you why I think that works better (I don't have John's college degree - just a grandmother who was an English teacher!) but I think the verb tense makes more sense.

In any case, it's a haunting vision you've created here.

[Fabs Forns]

Thanks, Jules, fixed!!!

[Cindy Crawford]

I really like how you've created an image which is beautifully translated into sound. It's perfect for the feelings that rain can evoke.

I might replace "tears ON My eyes with "tears IN my eyes.....not sure, though....just a thought.

I go to bed now with the sound of rain on my roof!

Cindy

[Fabs Forns]

Thanks, Cindy.

The image is not a photograph, I made it up from scratch in Photo Impact, I think it's the particles effect, rain and lights or something :)
Nor easy to check because I only have it on my Intel laptop, it doesn't come for Mac.

[Lance Warley]

I love it.

I can hear the rain drops "tic tocking."

Maybe add an additional couplet between "...knocking on the door." and "...morning comes again." Why? Because I'm wondering - did you let him in?

[Fabs Forns]

" Why? Because I'm wondering - did you let him in?

For me to know and for you to find out :p:cool:

Kidding, just imagining, my dear Lance, just imagining...