Mother

[James Shadle]

Mother, I love you.
As a Child I remember,
Your hand to my face, that feeling of peace and place.
Like a mother bird, you protected me under your wing.
<o></o>
Mother, I love you.
As an Adolescent I remember,
Your hand to my face, that feeling of pain and disgrace
Like a surrogate betrayer I became. A constant reminder I am. Was it my voice? Was it my eyes?
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Mother, I love you.
As a Man I’ll never forget,
Your hand to my face and mine to yours, that feeling of peace and place.
Like I am, the man I am, is with my thanks, because of you.
<o></o>
Mother, I love you.

[James Shadle]

I would be interested to hear your "interpretation" of this submission.

And what would you call a piece like this (no not junk or crap)? Is it a poem?

My D+ in high school English is raising it's ugly head.

[Fabs Forns]

I don't know what a piece like this is called in English, sort of a free form poem.

I think it's beautiful, and it shows the mature adult looking back at the unreasonable, rebel teen most of us were. Appreciation for the guiding hand is evident and also the love for the mother, parallel to none.

[Sharna Lee]

WOW!
My interpretation of this is, when you were small your mother nurtured you, when you were a teen your mother showed you what respect means. Don't tread there young man. *smile* And now as a man she showed you love for taking care of her in her time of need and you showed her your unconditional love.
Close?
This brought a tear to my eye. I'm in those teenage years with my daughter. UGH.
Thank you for this very loving poem.
Best wishes.

Sharna

[James Shadle]

You guys are real close.

My mother was always nurturing. However, my father betrayed my mother in my early teen years.
She worked 16 hour days to feed my two siblings and me.
We never went hungry.

Stressful time to be sure.
At times I remind my mother of my father. I my voice sounded like his and I looked like him.
That is the background of "surrogate betrayer".

I took a few. And I understand why now. I guess I knew then too.

As a result, I became dedicated to making sure my wife and children never suffer from a betrayal on my part.

My mom did not deserve it.

[Julie Kenward]

From a "poem" standpoint I have one comment: I'd leave the period off the end of the words, "As a child I remember." It could be that you are intending that as a single statement but it blends so well with the following line in each case that I'd leave it off and let it all become one. You can still leave it on it's own line - but let it flow from the one thought to the next (if that is, indeed, your thought process.)

As for the poem itself, I have to say I got a little teary eyed myself. The thought of you paying for your father's sins...sometimes it just bites being a kid, doesn't it? As if adolescence isn't bad enough without carrying all that around on top of things...

And, on a personal note, may I just commend you for not following in your father's footsteps but from learning from his mistake, instead. I bet we read a loving poem like this from Blake one day and it would be well deserved.

Thank you so much for sharing this.

[James Shadle]

Julie,
Take a look.
I removed the periods.
Is that what your meant?
James

PS Mom read and loved it.
I told her " I'm either deep or screwed up", she suggested I was both:D.

[Julie Kenward]

James, I think you took them off the first line and I meant for you to take them off the second line. You have written:

Mother, I love you
As a Child I remember.
Your hand to my face, that feeling of peace and place.
Like a mother bird, you protected me under your wing.

I think it should be:

Mother, I love you.
As a Child I remember
Your hand to my face, that feeling of peace and place.

It is that second and third line that melt together. If you were to write it as a normal sentence it would be:

As a child, I remember your hand to my face - that feeling of peace and place.
Like a mother bird, you protected me under your wing.

So, in poetry, we often break up those long sentences into shorter thoughts:

Mother, I love you.
As a child I remember
Your hand to my face
That feeling of peace and place.
Like a mother bird
You protected me under your wing.

Does that make more sense?

[Cindy Crawford]

I think you are now graduated from English class with an A+ ! I admire your bravery, revealing your love and pain- thank you for sharing a very touching photograph and your feelings.

Julie has already commented on a few minor poetic alterations, but the content is wonderful!

[Arthur Morris]

This whole thing has moved me (to tears) and that is what good writing is about...

[Lance Warley]

Tremendous, James.

It takes a lot of guts to put something out there that's so intensely personal.

I was stuck on "surrogate betrayer," not getting it, but then of course I read your explanation above.

No more humble pie on the D+ crappy English from you, pal. Beautifully done.

Just curious - ever read any of Ken Kesey's stuff? Your style and content are strikingly similar to "Sometimes A Great Notion."

[David Lowell]

Fantastic words - they probably mean a little something different to each one who reads them.

[Hazel Grant]

As one of those English teachers of past, I would like to compliment your poem. Yes, it is a poem...not a sing-song hard rhyming one, but one with structure and parallel phrases that carry it through. Each verse, a transition in time, each with the hand understanding the more maturing you. Move that D to an A! And the photo! Perfect for it.

[susanschermer]

James,
This is certainly outstanding and worthy of recognition. Your personal relationship to the photograph is expressed most intimately in your poem.

Julie's point about shortening the lines in the second sentence should be followed through in the second and third verses. Then it will really sing.

Thanks for sharing your feminine side. We all know what a tough guy you are.

[Amy Beth]

When it echoes truth for YOU, it is most excellent for those of whom you choose to share with. Thank you for that truth Bames. It was beautiful!!