View Full Version : My Just Reward

Julie Kenward
09-02-2008, 09:04 PM
I stand in stillness deep within the forest. I hear the chattering of jays high above my head and the shuffling of leaves as tiny feet run 'cross my path. The sun is barely up, still shaking back the blanket of nighttime’s recent slumber.

I turn my head to the cawing of the blue jay when I spot it – a single leaf set ablaze amidst a sea of darkened greens. That flirtatious ray of light illuminates both my heart and my imagination as I contemplate the reason for its presence.

I let the blue jay go about his business and train my eye on that single ray of light. I marvel as I watch it pierce the epicenter of that one imperfect leaf, leaving everything around it washed in its afterglow. I raise my arms and gently press the shutter – my just reward for rising while those around me remain beneath the covers.

Fabs Forns
09-02-2008, 10:42 PM
I like the playful mood of this piece, and the use of the present rather than the past to tell the story. The light in the image puts it in foucs as much as the story does.
Way to go.

Lance Warley
09-03-2008, 06:02 AM
It's great.

I have a thought that might make it even better - the first sentence is perfect. I'm standing there in stillness with you. However (yea, I know, "However" sentences suck), the second sentence introduces noise. Now I'm thinking, "I'm confused. it's still but it's noisy." What if you added some contrast by changing the second sentence to, "The stillness is shattered by one jay high above my head and the shuffling of leaves as a pair of tiny feet run 'cross my path." ?

Shattering the stillness and using singular, rather than plural, for the pair of feet, adds contrast and makes it much more intimate. It also fits with your photo, because the single, beautifully illuminated leaf is as intimate as it gets for a landscape photo.

At this point, I hope you're still talking to me.

Julie Kenward
09-03-2008, 06:52 AM
Still talking to you? This is EXACTLY why I'm posting here!

Cindy Crawford
09-10-2008, 09:56 PM
The whole thing works- the image and the words. Yet, I think I would agree with Lance- there is no transition from to noise- it appears to be a bit of a contradiction.

But the mood you have created is wonderful!