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Fabs Forns
08-31-2008, 09:53 PM
The quiet of the night was broken by the ripples of water, licking the bottom of the boats. The wood was cracked and the paint was peeling in parts of the bows. The wood was not as strong and flexible a it had been at one time, when many journeys up and down the stream were yet to come. Those were other times for the boats, tight and proud, battling storms, wind, and rain or simply enjoying clear spring days and the flowers in the bank of the river.

There had been days when the bow broke the white foam of the waves, proud and fearless, never looking back. No weather was rough enough to scare them, the strength of youth the driving force that moved them. Carrying the day’s catch, finding new coves and turns in the liquid roads.

After many sunrises, the boats were not the same. Experience had left many marks in their structure. Granted, the paths were more familiar now, they knew the river like they had not known it when they were young, but somehow, learning it had taken a toll on them, The paint was not as shinny, the bow was not as straight, the journeys seemed longer and not as exciting as they had been before.

Night has found them tied to land, making a little water and wondering if the ropes holding them were real or imaginary. Or even necessary. If they were turned loose, would they glide to yet one more course or just drift where the current will take them, too weak to stir?

Somehow I know they would fight, there is always a new shore, a new venture, a new way to get to the same old places. It may take them longer, but the battered woods still have soul in them. The road does not change after many journeys, yet every day brings a new challenge. As long as the boats can float, there will be places to get to. Even if the wind and rain seem stronger at times, getting there has more meaning, bigger joys.

Under the moonlight, the boats wait for the sun to rise to carry on, just like you, just like me…

Gus Cobos
08-31-2008, 10:12 PM
Nicely done Miss Fabs,
I like the story line, a moment in time captured for reflection of the days gone by. I like it...congrats...:cool:

Lance Warley
09-01-2008, 05:40 AM
Just simply beautiful.

This works because, with very few words, you immediately paint a picture of the boats growing old, you breathe life into them, and you sustain them as living entities for the rest of the piece. I feel like I watched them age. You have me rooting for them to fight for the new shore. Remarkable.

Your style reminds me of Hemingway's "Old Man and the Sea." Sparse yet evocative. You also have me thinking of "Wooden Ships," one of my favorite songs from the '60's.

Nits/Suggestions/Grammar:
- Second paragraph, first sentence: Change "bow" to "bows," simply to stay consistent with the other plural references to the boats.
- Third paragraph: Break the run-on into smaller sentences: "Granted, the paths were more familiar now. They knew the river like they had not known it when they were young but, somehow, learning it had taken a toll on them. The paint was not as shiny, the bows were not as straight, the journeys seemed longer and not as exciting as they had been before."
Fourth paragraph: I don't understand what "making a little water" means. It would work if you deleted "making a little water and"
- Fifth paragraph: Change the run-on to, "Somehow I know they would fight. There is always a new shore, a new venture, a new way to get to the same old places." Change "woods" to hulls." Change "...places to get to" to "...places to go."

Alfred Forns
09-01-2008, 05:54 AM
Hi Lance I think I can help here !!! Making a little water means they are leaking, its an expression :)

I like it a lot Fabs, really proud of you .

Julie Kenward
09-01-2008, 07:34 PM
Beautiful imagery, Fabs. You instantly conveyed the the words to the image and brought it to life. I also agree with Lance's critique. A few very small changes will make this an even more outstanding piece of writing.

Judy Lynn Malloch
09-02-2008, 01:54 PM
Very moving Fabs and beautifully written. I had the feeling that I was right in the midst of it all and could hear and see exactly what you were sharing with us and the related meaning to us personally.

Fabs Forns
09-02-2008, 01:54 PM
Thanks, guys.

Lance, thanks for your great job editing and critiquing :)

Cindy Crawford
09-10-2008, 09:32 PM
Hi Fabs

This is charming- evocative- endearing....love it. The story fits the picture so well, too. You are an inspiration to all of us to give this a try. Thank you!